Burst Forty (For Youth):
Saying No, Wisely
Fearing that we would displease the person in front of us, we hurry to say yes, only to regret later. Saying no is surely one way a lot of us can regain our peace of mind and protect order in our daily life. Popular and outgoing speakers have called it a great power to be able to say no. They have compared it with solar, wind or even nuclear power. By saying yes without enough thought, we might make people happy. Will that happiness last? In the long run, all our restlessness can burst out and we might hurt the very person whom we first pleased. An unwise yes thus is the forerunner of much trouble. People come to us with their personal agenda and, to get their job done, they speak very sweetly to us. We feel praised and tend to say yes to their proposals. In the process we lose our time, money or certain valuable traditions of the family or institution.
For example, someone invites me over telephone to deliver some lectures at his town after praising me, saying how wonderful a speaker I am – so knowledgeable, yet humble etc. I forget how his organization is known for disorder and irregularities; I put aside all my other commitments; I do not remember the hassles of going to his place and I say yes. I do so to avoid his displeasure or to save myself from his further (nagging) persuasion. I put the telephone down with a sense of relief – Ah, I can now attend to other things. But the one simple yes that I said will cost me now many days of travel, long hours of preparation and many kinds of disturbance to regular work.
Saying one no over the telephone could have saved me all this.
Saying yes when actually our heart is whispering no can lead to injustice to our organization. We may individually become good in the eyes of the person in front of us but our company may have to pay for our mistake. Do we want that?
Saying no displeases or disappoints the man before us. However, if we have said no after due consideration, even this man may see the fairness of our decision.
Saying no mechanically to any request is foolish. We lose good opportunities by such a thoughtless no. Saying no instinctively smacks of insensitivity. If our no comes from the ground of dislike or aversion to the person making the request, it is even worse. Such behavior leads to more and more of psychological entanglement for us and we would be caught in the net of our own likes and dislikes.
Say yes or no after giving proper thought to the matter, without being carried away either by praise or by some dislike.
Swami Chidananda
Wednesday, August 31, 2005